i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
