I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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