This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I understand Curling. That high.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
