just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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