we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
ttyl tear gas
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
