how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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