Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
