I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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