it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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