He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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