I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
