If i come over, it means nothing
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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