i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
