I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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