just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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