hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
