There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
