I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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