She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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