I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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