U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
