A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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