Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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