mondays should just be called national damage control day
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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