I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
