dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
