I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
where does the pee come out of this thing
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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