there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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