So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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