I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
