hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
