I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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