Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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