I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
