After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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