guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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