So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
