Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
