A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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