so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
