Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
