Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
