Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
