Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
