Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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