My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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