Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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