just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
we're so committed to being not committed
He shit in the fireplace
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
