Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
