do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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