I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
