It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
