We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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